Warnings: This was orginally posted to the Sentinel Angst List as a short snippet. Folks liked it so I
decided to go ahead and post it here on the website. But I warn you now.....this is an extremely SILLY snippet. That having been said, I hope you like it.
The young curly headed man strolled into the small interrogation room, a determined look set upon his handsome face.
He stopped at the small table in the room, placing a semi automatic weapon down. Crossing his arms, he glared at the two men fidgeting around at the table.
“Well...what do you have to say for yourselves?” Curly head inquired obviously upset about something.
“Uh...Look, it was Paul’s idea. He likes to see you get hurt.” Guy number one offered, nodding towards his partner.
“What?!? Danny, you know that this is just as much your fault as it is mine. I’m not the one who wanted to drown him.” Paul sputtered, totally po’d at having just been sold out.
“No, no, no buddy. You were the one that wanted to make him all sensitive and in tune with his feelings, and a trouble magnet. Heck, you came up with the, ‘blessed protector’ crap in the first place!”
Danny and Paul began to argue back and forth oblivious to their fuming interrogator that stood a mere 4 feet away from them. The sound of a cocking gun immediately stopped their arguing. Both gave the curly headed man before them their undivided attention.
“Just stop it. Both of you. Do you realize that because of your ‘careless’ actions, I now am routinely subjected to various hurt/comfort scenarios?”
Both men looked puzzled, not quite understanding what Curly head meant.
Sighing deeply, Curly head continued.
“Because of YOU two’s plot hole filled eps, I have been subjected more often then anyone else to the following horrors: gun shot wounds, drownings, stabbings, concussions, broken bones, rapes, tortures, drug overdoses, amnesia, psychosis, almost eaten by sharks, attacked every other week at the loft, attacked EVERY week coming home from the University, sprained ankles, crazy mothers, crazy ex-girlfriends, bellowing captains, bafoonish bad guys, and vicious fanfic writers.”
Both Paul and Danny paled as the carelessness of their ways dawned on them, and they began to feel extreme guilt for their actions.
“We’re sorry man. We didn’t realize what could happen, honest we didn’t!” Paul pleaded; he was still a little concerned about the gun Curly had trained on them both.
“Yeah, whatever, you’re sorry now. What I want to know is why me...Why not the other guy? All he gets is knocked around a bit and sometimes he drops his gun. But he always gets to look cool. And how come HE gets to take his shirt off all the time, he’s ALWAYS running around in that stupid towel or those stupid boxers. I’m relegated to dressing in as many clothes as humanly possible without falling over from all that extra weight. Who the heck wears 10 layers of shirts in late spring anyway?? I’m not cold, I’m HOT....HOT I tell you. Hey, I’m kinda buff, I work out, eat right. Why can’t I show off a little bit?? Because of you guys, I’m NEVER called ‘buff’ or ‘hard bodied’. Noooo, I get to be 'gaunt', 'slender', and my personal favorite...'child like'!”
Paul and Danny fidgeted around nervously. This guy was beginning to scare them both a little.
“Well....WHY?!?” Curly head shouted, taking aim.
Danny jumped first, and quickly answered.
“It’s the hair. Chicks dig the hair, plus you’re the short one. Shorter guys with long hair ALWAYS play the sensitive ones, it’s kinda like a golden rule.”
“GOLDEN?!? Did you say....GOLDEN?” Curly was clearly getting out of control now.
“No no no, I meant, you know...that it was written in stone. Just how things work in TV land.” Danny placated.
“Besides, you got a lot of women with this gig. Your babe factor has shot through the roof. Folks love you…honest babe!” Paul pleaded as he stared down the long muzzle of the gun.
Curly head lowered the weapon as he considered Paul and Danny’s words. It WAS true about the babe factor. He DID go out on a lot of dates, when he wasn’t injured or missing that is. Maybe this gig wasn’t so bad after all.
“Alright, you guys are free to go. But only on one condition.”
Paul and Danny jumped at the chance to be free again. “Anything babe, you name it. We’ll hook you up!”
“You guys start paying my medical bills, they are out of this world! Plus my shrink's bills. Thanks to you I make regular trips to Dr. Headcase now, so I can handle all this crap that keeps happening to me.”
Danny paled at Curly’s words. He couldn’t be serious could he?? This guys bills had to add up somewhere to in the millions. He started to protest, but a look from Paul shut him up.
“You got it, it’s the least we can do.”
“You got that right. Alright, you’re both free to go.”
Danny and Paul quickly left the interrogation room before Curly changed his mind.
“Man, we should have NEVER hired that guy. He’s nuts.” Paul whispered as they hurried out of the building.
“Shut up man, before you get us into more trouble.”
“ME?!?! The show was YOUR idea in the first place!”
Danny and Paul got into their car and sped off, arguing all the way back to PetFly’s headquarters.